Last week today I did my
second speech at toastmasters, the
speech was on assertiveness. I read the book on assertiveness more than 5 years
ago and I felt that I need to refresh my memory, and then I chose this
subject as a topicJ
Using outline,
transitions, an effective speech entry and conclusion are what you need to
deliver in your every speech. What make the
second toastmasters speech project is different that you need to rethink
your audiences, how you organize your ideas to promote understanding.
The speech took me more
than 7 minutes I guess, but hopefully the timer were very graceful and said that
it had been all qualified, so that I counted for best speaker candidates. Bad
side of the coin is during the night I used 34 pause filler words such as ahh,
uhh, umm, iiii .L I need to develop it and it is just beginning;).
Therefore I have not written
so far, let’s refresh the blog with this opportunity, with my speech on assertiveness
J
ASSERTIVENESS
Speech text
- Have you ever been a time when you held back by your self-confidence, struggle to ask for what you want it or felt taking disadvantage? We have all been there, and it was not feel so good.
- When you have been assertive you can calmly state your needs, what you will or will not accept, or how you want to be treated.
- You can handle critism without tears. You dont let a fear of conflict silence you and you are prepared to take consequences of communicating your feelings and wants.
- Being assertive means you dont feel you have to prove anything.
- When you are being assertive you are open to other people views even though they maybe different from your own. You dont try to dominate others.
- You have the confidence to make decisions and take responsibility for what you say and do. You dont blame other people when things dont go your way.
- It include knowing when you stand your ground and when to compromise and negotiate.
- Assertiveness sometimes confused with aggression, but 2 of them are vary different.
- Assertiveness is base on balance, it is means considering your rights, needs as well as those of other people.
- When you act assertively you can Show confidence, empathy and compassion.
- Aggression on the other hand is based on winning, it is often involve intimidation and provocation tactics. Win- lose situation, you win and others probably loss.
- It is one way process, you say what you do and do not want but not listen to or take other people’ s needs and feelings into consideration. If you are aggressive you talk over and interrupt others.
- When you are being aggressive you may feel you have to prove things and push a point. If you feel you are being treated badly you react with anger and hostility.
- Rather than being honest and direct, aggressive communication often involves being rude, sarcastic and blaming.
- Aggression is about domination and invasion; it is fundamentally disrespectful of other people’ s personal boundaries.
- Many major social and political change has started with one person deciding to assert themselves.
- Rosa Parks decided to take a seat reserved only for White people, on a bus in Alabama.
- Gandi, Nelson Mandela who has stuck to the principle of assertive communication and behavior. They stood up for themselves and for others.
- Obama displayed again and again his calm assertiveness no matter the crises, he showed a good sense of balance.
- Mustafa Kemal Atatürk consistently showed his assertion and insistence to ensured Turkey a modern and secular republic, enabled Turkey to exist as a nation.
- The good news is that you can learn assertiveness just like any other skills. Start by realizing your rights, feelings, and needs are valid and important. Then practice expressing yourself. Say what you want and what you dont want.
- I will give you some hints tonight!
- Own your feelings. Use I statements like, I want, I need or I feel. Instead of you are making me angry, say I am feeling angry. Instead of you have been dishonest to me, say I feel deceived.
- Be clear and direct. Get strait to the point! For ex. Imagine Leo come through the room and behaving like ‘’ Who has been smoking?? Someone open a window. Uhh, the smell makes me feel sick. Go outside I thought you were going to give up!!’’. Even it is true, Leo likely ruin his relationship if he act like this. A better sentence would be ‘’ Please would you smoke in the bacony?’’. Easy, isnt it?
- Take your time. In American films and TV you often hear one character say to another ‘’ I am not sure, can I get back to you on that?!’’
- Change your verbs. Use verbs like ‘’ will’’ instead of could or should. ‘’ Want’’ instead of ‘’ need’’. ‘’ Choose to’’ instead of ‘’ have to’’. For ex. ‘’ I want to go to training course because it will help me to progress in my role and my career’’. For ex. ‘’ I choose this option because…’’
- Know your limits, set boundaries. If you are unclear about your limit so you have established weak boundaries, you will invite others to take advantage on you and take control of your choices.
- Saying ‘’ No’’ without excessive excuses and apologies. ‘’ No’’ is a sentence! OK!. If you give to many excuses, the meaning and value of your response starts to look weak and dishonest. It also gives the other person the opportunity to undermine your excuses.
- On assertiveness give yourself time and be patient with your progress. It likely wont happen overnight, but by practicing you will slowly built up confidence and you will likely find that you become more productive, efficient and respected.
- Being assertive means getting your priorities right and negotiating with other people rather than arguing.
- It means an end to worrying about trivial things and those sleepless nights going over what you should have said.
- Being assertive means being authentic. Knowing who you are and what you beleive in.
- It simplifies life and enables you to focus on what is important.
- Tonight I light a candle. You have taken the first step towards a more self- assured life, keep going, and I promise, you will never look back. Good luck!
